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Negatory, Good Buddy: The Miami Heat Roster Kind of Sucks

Maybe I'm the last one to the party, but I'm here now. I'm finally ready to admit that the current Miami Heat roster totally and completely sucks.

I'm a Mr. Brightside kind of dude, you see. I look for the best in people, including (and especially) basketball players. Particularly players on my favorite team. I just see upside all over the place, whether it's there or not.

But even I have my limits. Once preseason got underway, I've looked at the Heat with a more skeptical eye. And damn, that's ugly.

Here are a few things I once believed that have been exposed as exaggerations or outright falsehoods.

THEORY: Joel Anthony will have a breakout season. TRUTH: Joel Anthony would be really good at volleyball, since you're not allowed to catch the ball in that sport.

THEORY: Udonis Haslem can play center. TRUTH: You can play Udonis Haslem at center, but that doesn't Udonis Haslem can play center.

THEORY: Miami's talent extends beyond the big three of Dwyane Wade, Shawn Marion and Michael Beasley. TRUTH: No it doesn't.

THEORY: Mario Chalmers was a second-round draft steal. TRUTH: Mario Chalmers was a second-round draft pick for a reason.

THEORY: Jamaal Magloire can regain his status as a serviceable starting center. TRUTH: Jamaal Magloire is finished. (I really should have known this one.)

THEORY: Miami's wing position is full of specialists, each bringing a needed skill to the rotation. TRUTH: Miami can have either shooting or perimeter defense off the bench, but not both at the same time.

THEORY: The Heat would show more than enough progress to keep Dwyane Wade off the free-agent market in 2010. TRUTH: I'm glad the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, so we'l only have to watch two years of post-Wade basketball.